Getting In Sync

I've never really made New Year's resolutions. I attempted to a couple of times in junior high and high school - purely out of cultural obligation - creating a list of goals like getting eight hours of sleep every night, drinking the standard eight cups of water a day, etc. They didn't really have anything to do with my personal growth and true aspirations I had for the year. So I gave them up and haven't really tried to make resolutions again, until now.

2009 was a fast, difficult year, as was 2008. I was reminiscing with my brother over the holidays about high school. I can't believe that this year marks five years since my high school graduation. And yet, so much has had happened in that span that I can't believe it's only been five - it seems more like ten! My life during those years has been a blur in every possible way, and frankly it doesn't feel good.

Reaching 2010, I feel like I'm coming out of the past few years with a hangover. I am worn out, nursing a spiritual headache, and uncertain of where things are going. I don't really want to rant on about the specifics of what caused this and what led to that, nor do I want to lay out a revolutionary plan for how I'm going to turn my life around. I want to let it go - and figure it out one step at a time. 

All my life, I've dreamed of how much better my life would have been if I could just go back in time and fix this or that, while also becoming obsessed with planning out the future. I don't want to do either of those things anymore; I miss out on the present - that which will be my past to regret or accept, and my future that won't get any better if I keep failing to take advantage of the good that is now.

So this year, I'm making resolutions. Not a concrete list of rules and measurements, but goals for my personal growth that I'd be proud to look back on in 2011. Even if life remains a blur whizzing by at the speed of light, I think that building and strengthening roots, with Jesus Christ as my guide, can keep me grounded in who I am and hope to be.

So here I go:

• Learn more about Jesus Christ, on both a personal and academic level. I have had a hard time calling myself a Christian and identifying with the Christian community. Who am I, in this strange religious identity? I want to stare into the face of Jesus, and know him.
• Keep on cooking! When I became a vegetarian, I began learning how to prepare my own food, falling in love with the entire process of knowing where my food comes from, trying out new ingredients, and making food that is healthy for me and the environment - and amazingly delicious! I love how food brings people together, and provides an opportunity to be so hands on in justice and environmental issues.
• Pursue health. I'm worn out and busy, busy, busy. My body takes the heat every day, as evidenced by the many times I was sick last year, and my mind and spirit degrade along with it. I want to be better in tune with the needs of my body, and make the extra effort to address them. I neglect this often - partially because I am young and don't see the consequences yet. But I don't want them all to come crashing down on me someday. I need to build that stronger physical foundation now, for the future and the day-to-day.
• Still the pendulum swing between my extroversion and introversion. I worry about whether I'm reaching out to people enough and not letting myself hide from them, while also feeling overburdened by constantly being around people. I don't have a clear picture of what it means to experience restful solitude. I think I would benefit from just taking a chill-pill and doing what feels natural. Do I need to say "no" to this get-together? Do I need to share this struggle with another person? What brings me joy? What tears me down? Again, it's all about getting in sync with my needs.
• Simply - take it one step at a time, finding strength and joy in the truth that God is by my side.